


small children are drunk adults

by starsandfluff



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Preschool AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-19 11:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandfluff/pseuds/starsandfluff
Summary: Jon, Daenerys, Arya, Gendry, Jaime, Cersei, Joffrey, Sansa, Shireen, and the Night King are going to preschool. It's up to their teacher Miss Andei to manage this rambunctious group of toddlers.





	1. chaos ensues almost immediately

**Author's Note:**

> My sister wrote this fic (for some reason a preschool au for got seemed like a cool idea), she spent time with preschoolers and watched enough of game of thrones to know most characters but not all the canon events. Hope you enjoy this random au!

“Good morning, children! Please find a seat around the Circle Time Carpet,” Miss Andei announced to the rambunctious group of toddlers currently running around the classroom. All the children found a seat and Miss Andei sat in a large, blue chair at the edge of the carpet.

“Welcome to your first day of preschool! My name is Miss Andei and I will be your teacher. Let’s go around the circle and introduce ourselves. Please say your name and how old you are. Would anyone like to go first?” One hand shot up into the air.

“I’ll go first, Miss Andei!” the eager child bounced up and down where she sat.

“Go ahead, then. Introduce yourself, please.”

“My name is Sansa Stark and I am four years old!”

“Thank you, Sansa. Let’s go around the circle in this direction.” Miss Andei waved her hand clockwise.

“I’m Jon Snow and I’m five.”

“I’m Jamie Lannister and I’m five years old too.”

“I’m Cersei Lannister and I am five years old AND I am older than my little brother.”

“Only by two minutes!” Jamie stood and shouted. It was clear they’d had this argument before. “We’re twins! You can’t keep calling me your ‘little’ brother! It’s not fair!”

“How is it not fair? It’s true isn’t it?” Cersei stood to confront her younger brother.

“Well… yeah. But that doesn’t mean anything!”

“Sure it does. It means I’m older which makes me the boss of you.”

“Are not!”

“Am so!”

“YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!”

“I’M OLDER AND THAT MAKES ME THE BOSS OF YOU!”

“IT DOES NOT!”

“DOES TOO!”

“DOES NOT!”

“DOES TOO!”

“STOP!” Both kids turned towards their teacher. They looked at her for a moment, and then at each other.

“I’M OLDER!”

“TWO MINUTES MEANS NOTHING”

“OH YEAH? WELL YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME!”

“YOU’RE SO MEAN!”

“DEAL WITH IT, LITTLE BROTHER!”

“I AM NOT YOUR LITTLE BROTHER!” Suddenly, Cersei got quiet. Miss Andei took a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, her relief was premature.

“You know,” Cersei said, looking Jaime right in the eyes, “you’re right. You’re not my little brother. You’re more like a little bother. And you suck.” Calmly, Cersei sat back down. Jaime, not so calmly, burst into tears. Miss Andei picked up the crying child and placed him between two of the other boys. 

“Well, we best move on then, shall we?” Miss Andei motioned for the next child to introduce themself.

“I’m Arya Stark and I’m three years old!”

“I’m Gendry Waters and I am four years old.”

“I am Joffrey Baratheon and I am three years old.”

“I’m Daenerys Targaryen and I’m five years old.”

“I am the Night King.”

“I see,” Miss Andei said carefully. “I bet it’s fun to pretend you are a king when you play pretend, but at school we use our real names.”

“I am the Night King.”

“I need you to tell everyone your real name,” Miss Andei insisted.

“I am the Night King!” Miss Andei pulled out her class list to find the child’s real name. 

“Here it is! Your name is-”

“I am the Night King!”

“No, we use real names. Your real name is-”

“Night King!”

“No.”

“Night. King.”

“No!”

“I am the NIGHT KING!”

“Your name is-”

“NIGHT KING!”

“FINE!” Miss Andei decided that this was not a battle worth fighting. “Let’s just move on.”

“I’m Shireen,” the little girl said, not even looking up from the book she was reading.

“Good morning, Shireen. Could you please tell us your full name and how old you are?” The little girl sighed at her teacher’s request. Then, still not looking up from her book, she delivered her reply.

“Shireen Baratheon. Three years, one month, two weeks, and six days.”

“Well, then,” Miss Andei said, a bit frazzled. “Today is all about having fun! We are going to read a story, and then we’ll take a tour of the classroom. Okay?” The children nodded. Miss Andei retrieved a book from her desk and returned to her seat. She called for the children to scoot closer so that they could see the pictures, then opened up the book and began to read.

“Dawn the Dragon loved to play,

She sat alone and played all day.

With her crayons, she drew and drew,

Using all the colors from red to blue.

Sally Dragon asked, “Can I draw too?”

And Dawn replied, “No. I don’t want to play with you.”

Dawn had lots of fun outside

As she went down the big, blue slide.

Johnny Dragon asked, “Can I slide too?”

And Dawn replied, “No. I don’t want to play with you.”

Dawn played trains and made a big track,

With twists and turns and a tiny, little shack.

Phoebe Dragon asked, “Can I play trains too?”

And Dawn replied, “No. I don’t want to play with you.”

Dawn used the blocks to build a big house,

All the stuffed animals lived there, even the tiny mouse.

Pam Dragon asked, “Can I play house too?”

And Dawn replied, “No. I don’t want to play with you.

Then the teacher brought out a special new toy,

A purple bouncy ball for all the dragons to enjoy.

So Pam and Phoebe and Johnny and Sally,

Played with the ball, and they sure looked happy.

Dawn looked around at the toys that she had,

And suddenly she became very, very sad.

She had told all the kids that she didn’t want to play,

Now Dawn wasn’t sure that she wanted it that way.

She told the dragons, ‘I’m sorry. I really am.’

And asked if she could play with Sally, Johnny, Phoebe, and Pam.

‘Yes! Of course!’ They said, tossing the ball high in the air,

And that was the day Dawn realized how much fun it was to share.

The End.”

“Now,” Miss Andei said, slowly closing the book. “Can anyone tell me the moral of the story? What did Dawn the Dragon learn?” Miss Andei was met with blank stares. A small hand popped up.

“Joffrey,” Miss Andei prompted, “what did she learn?”

“She learned that it’s fun to play with all the toys all by yourself.”

“Not quite, but good try. Would anyone else like to answer the question?” Without waiting to be called on, another voice spoke.

“I am the Night King?”

“No, dear. That’s not-”

“I _am_ the Night King.”

“Yes, well that is true in your imagination, but let’s focus back on the book. At the end of the story, Dawn learns that it’s more fun to share with your friends than to play alone.”

“I am the-”

“Well, yes, dear. Now, let’s move on. We’re going to take a tour around the classroom, and then it is time for snack.” All the children followed Miss Andei as she headed towards the cubbies near the front door. She explained to the children that they each had their own cubby with their name on it. This is where they would store their backpacks and coats during the school day. Next, Miss Andei showed them to the bookcase and the carpet area. The carpet area was lined with storage cubbies with all sorts of toys: trains, blocks, dolls, figurines, and more. Outside was a small playground, a sandbox, and a blacktop for playing with trucks and balls. The tour finished up at the small tables near the kitchen area and the bathrooms.

“Please line up behind the red line. You will take turns at the sink to wash your hands, and then it is time for snack!”


	2. musical chairs and gosh children are annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children eat their snacks and then are set free to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still written by my sister.

It took some effort, but Miss Andei was able to get the children to make an orderly line and take turns washing their hands. As a group, they walked over to the cubbies to retrieve their lunchboxes. As they made their way back, Miss Andei explained that the children needed to find the table that had their name tag on it. The tables were organized by age. At the red table was Daenerys, Jaime, Cersei, and Jon. At the blue table was Gendry, Sansa, and Joffrey. At the yellow table was Shireen, Arya, and the Night King. Miss Andei helped the younger children find their seats. It seemed like everyone was getting along. The calm was much appreciated following the chaos of that morning. 

“Hey! That’s my granola bar!” Jaime shouted.

“Well it’s mine now.” Cersei replied calmly. _Not again_ , Miss Andei thought to herself. _I need to separate these twin terrors_.

“You took my blueberry granola bar! I don’t want strawberry! Strawberry is gross!”

“I’m your older sister and what I say goes. You need to learn to respect your elders.” Cersei took a big bite of the granola bar and looked right into her brother’s eyes, daring him to do something about it. Jaime did indeed do something about it. He screamed like a banshee and leaped out of his chair. If Miss Andei hadn’t been there to pick him up and away from his sister, he certainly would have tackled her. 

“Cersei and Jaime - Come with me, now.” Miss Andei led the two children off to the side to discuss proper classroom behavior and expectations. As she did so, the other children decided to change the seating chart.

“Hey Jon! Can I sit with you? My table is boring.” Arya asked.

“Sure thing, Arya. You don’t mind, do you, Daenerys?”

“I don’t mind. Come on over.” Arya picked up her things and moved to sit next to her older brother. 

“Can Gendry come and sit here too?” Arya asked Jon.

“I don’t see why not.” Arya waved Gendry over. He grabbed his stuff and sat down next to Arya. This game of musical chairs, however, was far from over. 

Joffrey and Sansa sat at the blue table. Sansa was very focused on her food. Joffrey was very focused on telling Sansa about how great he was. He sure was good at bragging for a three year old. Sansa tuned him out, wishing she could sit at a different table. She saw her siblings sitting at the same table, but Sansa was not about to break the rules. Suddenly, Joffrey got up out of his seat and sat down on Sansa’s lap.

“We could have so much fun together! Don’t you think?” Joffrey booped Sansa’s nose. The girl sat stunned. _What in the world is he talking about?_ Sansa thought. _Wait...why is he sitting on me? Gross!_

“Get off of me!” Sansa pushed Joffrey off of her lap, and he fell hard onto the linoleum. Across the room, Miss Andei had just finished scolding the twins. Jaime and Cersei took two of the empty seats at the table as Joffrey made a ruckus.

“Now what is going on here?” Miss Andei asked. She couldn’t believe that there was already another fight. 

“She pushed me!” Joffrey said, looking at Miss Andei with puppy dog eyes. “I got hurt. Sansa is mean!”

“You sat on me! It’s your own fault you got hurt. You’re not supposed to sit on people. You’re _supposed_ to sit in the chair!”

“Fine. I will then.” Joffrey walked smugly to Sansa’s chair and took a seat. Sansa turned to Miss Andei with tears in her eyes.

“Miss Andei, Joffrey is sitting in my seat! He has to sit in his seat! He’s not following the rules!”

“Sansa, dear, let’s just move you to this seat. No one is sitting here.” Miss Andei gestured to the empty seat Arya left behind at the yellow table. 

“No!” Sansa screamed. “I can’t sit there! That seat has Arya’s name so Arya has to sit there. I’m _SANSA_ not Arya. I have to sit in this seat and Joffrey is sitting in it. You need to make him move. _You’re_ the teacher!” Miss Andei felt completely defeated. It had only been an hour and a half and the children were well on their way to ruling the classroom. The already tired teacher didn’t answer the angry young girl and instead picked up her lunchbox and moved it to the empty seat. She peeled Sansa’s name tag off of the table and pasted right on top of Arya’s.

“Go sit in your seat, Sansa.” Miss Andei said. Sansa glared at Miss Andei as she moped over to her new seat at the yellow table. To her left was the Night King aggressively munching on something crunchy and messy. To her right was Shireen who hadn’t looked up from her book since the beginning of class. Sansa sighed and began to eat her snack in silence as she watched the kids at the red and blue tables being loud and having fun. 

Soon after, it was time to clean up their snacks and return their lunchboxes to their cubbies. Miss Andei then set them free to play with any of the toys in the classroom. Many of the kids went outside to the play structure, but the twins chose to stay inside. 

“I want to play house!” Cersei exclaimed.

“Me too! I want to be the daddy,” Jaime replied.

“I want to be the mommy.” Miss Andei cringed. She just knew that another fight was imminent.

“Okay!” Jaime said. “You be the mommy and I’ll be the daddy!”

“Okay!” Cersei agreed. Miss Andei was relieved that they weren’t going to fight. She was reluctant to let them play out an incestuous fantasy, but she didn’t see any real harm in it considering they were five years old. Miss Andei walked over to her desk to get some work done.

“Can I play house with you?” Joffrey asked.

“Sure!” Cersei replied. “ You can be mine and Jaime’s baby.”

“Okay!” He grabbed Sansa and pulled her over. “I want Sansa to play too! Can we be pretend married just like you and Jaime are?” He moved in to kiss Sansa, quite a bold move considering he was only three years old, but ignorance can give way to confidence. 

“Ew! No! Get away from me!” Sansa hurried away from Joffrey and his puckered lips. She found herself in front of Miss Andei’s desk.

“Miss Andei?”

“Yes, Sansa?”

“Why are boys annoying?”

“That’s just how kids are when they’re young.”

“I’m not like that. Why did you say that all kids are annoying?”

“Toddlers like to explore their world and they have yet to learn self control and boundaries.

“Am I annoying?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you keep asking me questions when you should be playing.”

“Why should I be playing?”

“Because you’re four years old, Sansa. When you are four years old, your job is to go to preschool and play.”

“Why is that my job?”

“It just is.”

“But why? Why can’t my job be fighting dragons or driving the bus?”

“Do you know how to fight a dragon?”

“No.”

“Do you know how to drive a bus?”

“No.”

“Well then that’s why your job is not fighting dragons or driving the bus.”

“Why isn’t my job being an astronaut or being a hunter?” Miss Andei wanted to bang her head on the desk.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside, Gendry and Arya were bouncing a ball back and forth. Something about them just clicked, and they really liked spending time together.

“What’s your favorite color?” Arya asked.

“What’s _your_ favorite color?”

“Gendry! I asked you first!”

“Well, I asked you second.”

“No fair!”

“Alright! Alright! My favorite color is-” Suddenly the Night King came running in at full speed. He plucked the ball from Arya’s hands and ran right into Gendry, knocking him over. Both Arya and Gendry took chase around the play yard. The Night King turned around to see how close behind they were, and managed to run into a tree. He fell to the ground crying. Arya picked up the ball. She and Gendry walked back over to where they were before and picked up their game.

“Now, Arya, what’s your favorite color?”

“Hey! I already asked you that and you didn’t answer!”

“Well this time _I_ asked you first.”

“Fine.” Arya grinned.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why are you working on the computer?” Sansa asked.

“Because I need to send an email,” Miss Andei responded.

“Why do you need to send an email?”

“Because I need to tell someone something.”

“Why do you need to tell someone something?”

“I need to tell someone something because I know something and I need to tell someone the something that I know. Okay? Okay?” Sansa thought for a moment.

“Why can’t you just talk to them?” Before Miss Andei could answer Sansa’s next question, she heard crying out in the yard. To be quite honest, she was glad that someone was needing her attention because Sansa’s constant questioning was infuriating. She rushed outside with Sansa close behind. The Night King was on the ground near the tree nursing a scraped knee and crying loudly.

“What happened?” Miss Andei asked.

“I am the Night King,” he cried.

“Honey, I know, but what happened? I need you to use your words.”

“Night I King Am I King Night.”

“Okay, well you did use your words but I’m really not sure what you meant. Let’s try again,” Miss Andei said, hoping for something different but knowing that it wouldn’t happen. Before he could respond, another voice spoke.

“Night King stole Gendry and Arya’s ball. They chased him. He ran into the tree. They took back their ball.” Shireen, it turns out, had been sitting in the sandbox reading her book and noticed the whole thing happening. 

“I see. Thank you, Shireen.” The little girl continued reading without acknowledging her teacher.

“Why did he steal? Miss Andei, stealing is wrong!”

“Sansa, I need you listen to me.” Sansa looked eagerly at Miss Andei. “I have an assignment for you. Over the next hour I need you to play with at least three things. Points will be docked if you stop playing early. Understood?”

“But-”

“Do you understand my instructions?”

“Yes, Miss Andei.” 

“Wonderful. Now, Night King, let’s go and get you a Band-aid.”


End file.
